another rant/things that I needed to get out...

I wonder if any of my roommates would notice if I am not here. None of them include me in anything that they do. Amy and Michele had a “double date” tonight. I know that I have bible study, but they did not even say good-bye to me. They said it to Laura, but not me. I have been feeling down a lot lately. I don’t know if it is because it is that time of the year, or if I am just lonely and I want to be included. I might have depression, with what I am feeling, but I mean how hard is it to go “Hey Becca, want to come with us?” or “Hey Becca, can we talk.” I am the one that is always starting the chats. Why is that? I wish that I had someone here to talk to and spend time with. I wish that things would go back to normal where Michele and Amy did not exclude me in everything that they do. They don’t even seem to care that I am around. Would they even notice that I am not here? Amy might because we share a bedroom, but who knows. I guess that I feel really left out of a lot of things. I don’t know what to do or how to talk to them about it. It is hard for me to be confrontational to anyone. But I might have to be in order to get a point in or something. I feel like I am the only one that cleans the drain in the sink, to buy sugar, and flour, and wait I have not used any of it, but I bought it. I also bought the dish soap, which yes we needed, but still no one said thank you. I want a hug. And now I am crying. I hate this week. I have cried every single night this week.

Long Rant

Dear Whoever reads this,
This is a rant that I need to get out. IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT THEN DON”T READ IT!
Tonight I was at Eucharistic adoration, which basically is having Jesus exposed in the monstrance. And the guy that leads this Adoration time that we call Cor ad Cor which means Heart to Heart in Latin, sang this song called Better is one Day. While he was playing/singing this song I just burst into tears. I miss my grandma and I was yelling at God for taking her away from me. There has been so many people in this last year taken from me that I am sad. I mean my grandparents where last year, but this year, I have lost my Great Uncle Bob, Great Aunt Vi, My friend Kenneth. My friend Amanda, and then this weekend, I was not close to her and did not even know her, but I knew her friends a student from MnSU was found dead on Friday night. I just can’t take it anymore. Well I was sitting there and I just broke out in tears because it got me thinking about how much I miss my grandma and how much I take things for granted. Because this is also Nation Homeless Awareness Week, so they also showed pictures of homeless people from all over.
I feel so fortunate to have a house and parents that are still alive. I am also fortunate to have roommates and other people that love me even when I don’t think that they do. But there are some times like right now that I feel left out. 2 of my roommates are not here, which I understand, I think they are at someone’s house talking about Mary Kay, but my other 2 are back in a bedroom with the door shut talking and I never get included in any of these conversations. I just feel like I am a horrible person or something. I don’t know why I feel like this, but I do. I guess I am kind of jealous of the friendship that they have gotten over this year. I knew both of them before this year, but oh well.
And then one of my roommates told me that she would make sure that my rent check got turned in, and I come back on the 5th of November, and she did not turn it it, I turned it in on the 6th, but they still have not cashed it.
Well I better get going. Just needed to get some thoughts out.

Rebecca